Leveson - Exposed in his own words
It’s the scoop of the year. It took some doing, but your dedicated team here at the Nur-yoos got there first – we tracked down Lord Justice Leveson’s secret diary.
Every day this week we reveal, in his own words, the intimate thoughts, personal exchanges and habitual activities of the man at the helm of the Leveson Inquiry (whatever that is).
Starting today, we can sensationally expose…
- SELF-CONFESSED ADDICTION TO SUCROSE
- PENCHANT FOR LOOKING AT PICTURES OF MOTORBIKES ON THE INTERNET
- DAILY FANTASIES OF BECOMING A DOG-WALKER
- UNORTHODOX SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS
- FIERCE PROTECTION OF PERSONAL PRIVACY
Monday, 7th
Woke up at 5.30am. D. brought me a cuppa, sneaked a couple of extra sugar lumps in when she wasn’t looking. Checked my email – something from Dan about a Ducatti 1198R Corse SE Special Edition – had a quick look at it – over-priced.
Took a cab to Chancery Lane to avoid protests – office empty – got through most of the blurb on section 32d and had a short nap before being brought iced buns by Patricia (low-fat options, not the best, but kept my mouth shut).
Placed a bid on a beautiful red Kawasaki Ninja ZX-14 on e-Bay.
Tuesday, 8th
Terrible night’s sleep – woke with stiff neck. Thought it would be nice to take a stroll in Hyde Park, blow out the cobwebs. The place was full of dogs – curiously, most often, great herds of canine friends under the watchful supervision of a sole Homo sapien. Poodles, chiwawas, huskies, dalmations – ‘what can one man want with so many creatures?’ I thought. It transpires this is business, big business – these noble folk walk the dog for a fee and so naturally, squeeze as many breeds as possible into each lap of the Serpentine. What a wonderful way to earn a living!
Missed out on the e-bay bid – though happened upon the Suzuki Hayabusa GSX1300R on Gumtree – definitely worth a look. Was irritated by the personal details I was expected to surrender online in order to see further images.
Wednesday 8th
Good Lord, slept until almost 11am. A large Horlicks D. gave me before bedtime knocked me out.
Embarrassingly late to meet Sir John – he’s seriously clued-up on clause 87 – cannot help thinking ‘I wish I was a dog-walker in Hyde Park’.
Had an excellent Danish Slice at the Fleet River Bakery – never been able to resist their crisp icing sugar top.
Back to thinking the Ducatti’s not such a bad price after all, having mulled over a couple of other dealer sites with their tricky mandatory identity fields.
In tomorrow’s Nur-yoos. Lord Justice Leveson’s secret opinions on some of the high-profile guests he’s had at his inquiry…
Plus, your chance to win an all-expenses-paid 2-day trip to the Lake District with hypnotist, Paul McKenna.
Will Pickvance - Extra-music rambles 